Having a friend who is suffering from overwhelming health problems is a difficult place to be. Do you offer sympathy, do you hover, visit, visit with an upbeat attitude, visit with somber serious eyes? Do you stay away, send messages, write, email, call, ask relatives about them, just worry and wonder? Always you pray, but what else?
For some, knowing what to say and do is natural. Some people just do and say the right things. I've always struggled to be one of those people.
I think its difficult because I project myself into the sufferer's shoes. I think I would want some space. I think I would not want a lot of attention. I don't know, but I think I would feel smothered by all the attention and so I hesitate to push myself on anyone. I'm probably wrong. I would probably welcome the support with open arms.
I've been pondering these things because of my friend, Scott. He has a liver transplant last May and has been doing so well. Then about 2 weeks ago they discovered a major problem. The hepatic artery collapsed. He had to have surgery. It was a scary time. And he's been miserable. Today, though, I heard he was released from the hospital. He's doing well and his liver function seems to be normal. It's such good news.
But it seems you can't have good without something bad to balance life out a little. This morning, as Scott is being released from the hospital, there was a terrible accident. A 17 year old boy, a neighbor of Scott's, was driving to school on icy, slick roads. He didn't make it to school.
There will be a funeral in a few days.
4 comments:
Oh Linda..........
Linda,
I don't know what you are talking about. You've always left supportive comments on my blog. I've appreciated it very much. And, you can never go wrong by telling someone that you keep them in your prayers. I think people underestimate the gift it is to pray for someone. It's so interesting to me that I can actually feel the energy of other peoples prayers on our behalf. Really, thank you.
As far as not knowing what you would want support wise in a crisis- unfortunately, life just naturally supplies crisis sooner or later. Mortality just stinks that way. Be patient; wait long enough, and you'll find out.
Personally, I prefer notes or emails of support to phone calls, and if someone brings meals I love it when they call to get recipes that my family will actually eat. I'm not someone that loves to be smothered, but realize that it's comforting to other people if they can do something, anything to help. So, I've learned to delegate even on things I couldn't care less about, and communicate very clearly what I really need so people don't have to guess. Also, it's a relief when someone sees what needs to be done and does it without any fuss, like taking out the garbage, or watering the stupid houseplants. It's the teeny, tiny acts of kindness that surprisingly seem to have the most impact.
Scott is doing fabulously. No worries, although it was terrifying for a bit. We've had huge miracles against the most improbable of odds. God obviously has work for him to do.
As for the boy, take comfort in that his family is well grounded in the gospel. God really does have control, and has work for him to do, also. Pray for them, and they will feel it.
God lives and loves us. We're all here for the ride of our lives. Be comforted, and hang on.
God Bless,
Brenda
I would ask what you could do for Scott, or his wife or family to help to take up the slack a little. I am sure they would appreciate anything thing that you could do.
Many hugs.
Hey. Hi. Just checking in!
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