Christmas

Gathering and smiles

...and watching and waiting

....time to relax

....babies to cuddle

....Grandmas to visit

.....sisters to Skype

....dinner to eat

 

Not Gone. And Not Forgotten.

On Sunday, April 3, 2016 at 9:00 am I met my daughter Joni and her family at my sister’s house.  We were there to visit my mom who had just come home from the hospital the day before.  I took a photo of Joni’s family next to the bed where my mom lay.  She visited with us and seemed like she was in such a good place.  She commented on how well the doctors and nurses had treated her in the hospital.  The visit was short, but sweet.

At noon I returned to visit my mom with my other daughter Lisa, and her family.  Mom seemed a little more distressed at this visit.  She was reaching toward the window when we arrived and asked me to open it.  Still, she was very conversant and happy and seemed to be very peaceful. 

That night at about 9:00 I started communicating with my sister about my mom.  She informed me that mom was having a very hard time breathing.  After a few texts back and forth I asked her, “should I come over?”  Her answer floored me.  “If you want.  I don’t think she’ll be here in the morning.” 

Of course I went right over.  My mom was already gone.  Her body was still there, heart beating, lungs breathing and tissues living, but I could tell at first glance that the essence of my mom was gone. I arrived at around 10.  She died right before midnight.

I think you always look back at situations like this and think of things that you should have done differently.  One thing that I regret is not letting all my kids know about their grandmother’s death sooner.  I sent a text.  I think part of me just couldn’t deal with physically speaking the words.

But because I just sent a text we had a sweet little experience.  The next day I was talking to Lisa and she told me a story.  She was in bed asleep and a few minutes after midnight her boys both started laughing and talking.  Lisa just laid in bed hoping they would go back to sleep, which they eventually did.  The next morning when Lisa got up she saw my text and realized that Grandma Haroldsen must have been the one who woke up the boys.  She just stopped by on her way out to say goodbye.

Another sweet blessing came on Tuesday morning.  My niece’s 2 year old daughter came crying into my niece’s bedroom.  “Someone was here,” she said. The mom asked who and her daughter said, “Grandma Haroldsen.  And she said she lives in heaven now and had to go.”  Then the 2 year old started to cry because she missed her.   

Some things happened when my dad died.  I had 4 or 5 dreams that were especially significant and kind of surprising.  But things also happened when I was awake and just living my life.  The TV I was watching would randomly keep changing channels, when washing my hands in a public bathroom the drying towels dispenser would suddenly turn on and spew out paper towels, lights would flicker on and off when I was trying to paint.  One morning when I had just awoken I felt my dad’s hands pat me on top of my head, just like he used to do. One day while standing in the kitchen with my sister and talking about dad, a fake bunch of flowers fell off the top shelf of a bookcase and landed right between us.  In each instance I immediately knew it was dad. 

I’m not sure if I’ll have those same kinds of experiences with my mom now that she’s passed, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

We may not be able to see them, but they are not gone.

I can't wait until I see them. 

Synchronicity

A coincidence?  I think not.

About 4 days ago I  all of a sudden started thinking about a doctor that we used to go to.  I thought about how I really liked him, how he cared for my kids when I took them in and how comfortable I felt there (not a normal feeling when going to the doctor), and how he had done a small surgical procedure on Mike back when I was about 4 months pregnant with Andy.  A procedure that virtually assured that Andy would be the last of our children. *wink* I knew there was some issue with him.  Something he was struggling with, but I didn't care.  I liked him!

I like him so much that I remember I painted a cookie jar lid for him to use in the office.  It was cut from wood and was painted to look like a bear wearing a lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck.  I also painted his name badge on it.  Dr. Spaulding.  

Today I saw this.

I think Dr. Spaulding must have died about the same time I started thinking about him.

Synchronicity in action.

Time Slows for Important Work

Yesterday, Saturday, as soon as I woke up I really felt like I needed to go to the temple.

I slept a bit later than normal, so it was 8:45 when I woke.  Too late for the 9:00 session.  I wondered if I could make it to the 9:45.

I went through my morning routine of feeding the chickens, gathering the eggs, eating breakfast and getting dressed with hair and makeup.  I kept having little set-backs, like I couldn't find my lipstick which was in my purse instead of in my bag.  I would start to get anxious and feel rushed and then I would just remind myself that if I was meant to make the 9:45 session I would.  If not, then I would just sit and meditate and relax until the 10:30.
I looked at the clock when it was 9:30 and thought, "I've got to leave the house right now."  I started driving to the temple trying not to feel rushed.  I kept catching myself speeding up in the car and then I'd slow back down to the speed limit. 

I hit all the lights green and thought that maybe I really was going to make it to the earlier session.  I only had one more light left and then it was just a couple more blocks to the temple.  I could see that it was green as I came closer to it, but right at the critical juncture of decision, it turned yellow on me.  I calmed myself and stopped.  I didn't want to rush through a barely red light fearing that it would make me feel even more rushed and harried.  I thought, "well, I'm not going to make it now.  Might as well go slow" because I knew that the lights had to cycle through to 2 or 3 other traffic patterns before it would give me the green light.  I had barely stopped the car, though, when a minor miracle occurred. The light immediately turned green for me, even though there were a lot of cars waiting in the other lanes to go.  I drove up to the temple as slowly as I could, and still felt like I was on the verge of feeling rushed.  There were no close parking spots, so I had to park in the back half of the lot and walk the distance to the front door.

Inside the temple I was checked at the recommend desk and then walked back to the dressing room.  I thought I might still make it to the 9:45. I took my white dress and shoes out of my bag, locked my bag and street clothes into my locker, and then dressed into my whites as quickly as I could.  I sighed a little frustration sigh when I realized that I had only taken 1 stocking out of the bag.  I had to retrieve the key, open the locker, unzip my bag and find the stocking before relocking everything back up.  I then finished putting on my shoes and socks. 

I walked to the restroom, almost bumping into another woman who was walking the other way.  I knew it was because I was still hurrying.  Once again, I forced myself to slow down. As I came out of the restroom I heard one of the temple workers tell a couple of women that the 9:45 sessions was full.

I had kind of expected that to happen, so I wasn't surprised, but I was a little bit disappointed.  I decided right then just to really slow down for real (and quit kidding myself that I was already slowed down), and stopped to write a few names on the temple rolls.  As I was getting the name of the woman who I was going to do temple work for, the lady working there told me that the session was full, but I was welcome to go and wait for the next one. I told her that was a great idea.

I slowly walked up the long flight of stairs to the upper floor where the chapel was.  I was kind of surprised when I noticed the door to the ordinance room was still standing open.  A woman was standing in the hall as if she was waiting for me.  She asked me if I wanted to do a session.  I said yes, and she said they had one more seat.

I went in and sat down, they closed the door, and the session began.

Makes Me Smile and Think

I found this today.  Enjoy!

25 Inspiring Stories to Make You Smile

Here’s a selection of 25 short stories recently submitted to our sister site, Makes Me Think, that not only made us think, but made us smile too.  We hope they do the same for you.  Enjoy.

1. Today, my son turned 7 and I turned 23.  Yes, I had him on the day I turned 16.  The choices I made when I was a teenager were foolish, and sometimes I get worried I’m bringing my son up wrong.  But today I took him to the park to celebrate our birthdays.  He played for hours with a girl who has burn scars that cover most of her face.  When my son took a break to eat, he pointed to her and said, “She’s so pretty and cool!”  Which left me thinking, “I must be doing something right as a mom.”  MMT
2. Today at 1AM, my grandma, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s, got up, got into my dad’s car and drove off.  We contacted the police.  But before the police could find her, two college kids pulled into our driveway with my grandma.  One was driving my dad’s car and the other was following in their car.  They said they overheard her crying about being lost at an empty gas station 10 miles away.  My grandma couldn’t remember our address, but gave the kids her first and last name.  They looked her up online, found our address, and drove her home.  MMT
3. Today, my 8-year-old son hugged me and said, “You are the best mom in the whole entire world!”  I smiled and sarcastically replied, “How do you know that?  You haven’t met every mom in the whole entire world.”  My son squeezed me tighter and said, “Yes I have.  You are my world.”  MMT
4. Today, my dad turned 91.  He barely has enough strength to speak.  But every time my mom (she’s 84) walks into the room to check on him, he says, “Hello beautiful.”  MMT
5. Today, when I went to pick-up my daughter from preschool she was sitting on the ground in the corner of the after-care area with 3 blind students.  All of them had smiles on their faces.  The after-care instructor told me my daughter has been spending time with these 3 students every afternoon this week, answering questions and explaining to them in vivid detail what different objects, people and animals look like.  MMT
6. Today, when she woke up from a six month coma, she kissed me and said, “Thank you for being here, and telling me those beautiful stories, and never giving up on me…  And yes, I will marry you.”  MMT
7. Today, I found an old hand written note my mom wrote when she was a senior in high school.  On it is a list of qualities she hoped she would someday find in a boyfriend.  The list is basically an exact description of my dad, who she didn’t meet until she was 27.  MMT
8. Today is my 18th birthday.  Just over 18 years ago a woman was faced with the harsh fact that she had already had 4 miscarriages and 1 stillbirth.  As she was pregnant for the 5th time, doctors informed her that her pregnancy was risky.  They said there was a good chance either the baby or her wouldn’t make it.  She chose to give the baby a chance anyway.  My mom and I both made it and are still healthy to this day.  MMT
9. Today, my grandpa keeps and old, candid photo on his nightstand of my grandma and him laughing together at some party in the 1960’s.  My grandma passed away from cancer in 1999 when I was 7.  This evening when I was at his house, my grandpa caught me staring at the photo.  He walked up, hugged me from behind and said, “Remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.”  MMT
10. Today, a week after I donated three bags of clothes to a local homeless shelter, I saw a homeless woman sitting on a park bench wearing a tye-dye shirt I made when I was a teenager.  I walked by her and said, “I love your shirt!”  She smiled and said, “Thank you!  I really do too!”  MMT
11. Today, I sat down with my two daughters, ages 4 and 6, to explain to them that we have to move out of our 4 bedroom house and into a 2 bedroom apartment for awhile until I can find another job that pays well.  My daughters looked at each other for a moment and then my youngest daughter turned to me and asked, “Are we all moving into the apartment together?”  “Yes,” I replied.  “Oh, so no big deal then,” she said.  MMT
12. Today is the 14th day in a row that my nursing home patient’s grandson has come to visit her.  Two weeks ago I told him that the only time I see his grandmother smile all week is when he visits her on Sunday mornings.  MMT
13. Today, as I pulled into my apartment complex I noticed my neighbor, who’s about 8 months pregnant, struggling with her groceries.  I stopped and helped her bring them up the stairs into her apartment.  This evening, when I got home from the gym I found a freshly baked apple pie sealed in Tupperware sitting on my doorstep with a note that said, “I used the ingredients you helped me carry to bake this.  Enjoy!”  MMT
14. Today, a man came in to apply at my restaurant.  He seemed charismatic, kind, knowledgeable, and friendly.  Later, when I went to call him to extend a job offer, I noticed he had written “ask for me” under his number.  The number belongs to a homeless shelter.  But I’m gonna take a risk and hire him anyways.  MMT
15. Today, I found out that my mom and dad have been working second jobs at night so they can continue to financially assist my twin sister and I who are both sophomores in college.  My dad said, “You two will be the first in our family’s history to receive college diplomas.  Two jobs is nothing!  I’d work three if I had to to see you two graduate.”  MMT
16. Today, my 12-year-old son, Sean, and I stopped by the nursing home together for the first time in several months.  Usually I come alone see my mother who’s suffering from Alzheimer’s.  When we walked into the lobby, the nurse said, “Hi, Sean!” and then buzzed us in.  “How does she know your name?” I asked.  “Oh, I swing by here on my walk home from school all the time to say hi to Grandma,” Sean said.  I had no idea.  MMT
17. Today, my mom has been blind for 15 years.  She lost her vision in the same car accident that took my dad’s life.  I am 18 years old now.  She has raised me as a single mom since I was 3, without her vision.  And yes, she did a heck of a job!  MMT
18. Today, I met the prettiest woman on a plane.  Assuming I wouldn’t see her again after we made our connections, I told her how pretty I thought she was.  She gave me the most sincere smile and said, “Nobody has said that to me in 10 years.”  It turns out we’re both in our mid-30’s, never married, no kids, and we live about 5 miles away from each other.  We have a date set for next Saturday after we return home.  MMT
19. Today, my mom received the surgery she needed to remove a malignant tumor.  My family has been struggling without medical insurance since my dad lost his job last year.  My sister and I have been openly discussing my mom’s medical dilemma on Facebook.  Last week, a friend of a friend, who’s a veteran cancer treatment surgeon who owns his own practice, saw our comments on Facebook and volunteered to help my mother for free.  MMT
20. Today, I’m a mother of 2 and a grandmother of 4.  At 17 I got pregnant with twins.  When my boyfriend and friends found out I wasn’t going to abort them, they turned a cold shoulder to me.  But I pressed forward, worked full-time while attending school, graduated high school and college, and met a guy in one of my classes who has loved my children like his own for the last 50 years.  MMT
21. Today, as I was sleeping, I woke up to my daughter calling my name.  I was sleeping in a sofa chair in her hospital room.  I opened my eyes to her beautiful smile.  My daughter has been in a coma for 98 days.  MMT
22. Today, on our 10th wedding anniversary, she handed me a suicide note she wrote when she was 22. It was dated the exact day we met each other.  And she said, “For all these years I didn’t want you to know how foolish and unstable I was back when we met.  But even though you didn’t know, you saved me.  Thank you.” MMT
23. Today, at 8AM this morning, after four months of lifelessness in her hospital bed, we took my mom off life support.  And her heart continued beating on its own.  And she continued breathing on her own.  Then this evening, when I squeezed her hand three times, she squeezed back three times.  MMT
24. Today, the homeless man who used to sleep near my condo showed up at my door wearing the business suit I gave him nearly 10 years ago.  He said, “I have a home, a job, and a family now.  10 years ago I wore this business suit to all my job interviews.  Thank you.”  MMT
25. Today, when I opened my store at 5AM there was an envelope sitting on the floor by the door.  In the envelope was $600 and a note that said, “Five years ago, I broke into your store at night and stole $300 worth of food.  I’m sorry.  I was desperate.  Here’s the money with 100% interest.”  Interestingly, I never reported the incident to the cops because I assumed that whoever stole the food really needed it.  MMT

And, of course, be sure to check out Makes Me Think for more stories like these.

Preparation

I had to sit in for one of the teachers all week and listen to and grade student presentations. The class was Natural Disasters, 3 sections worth. The students projects were on some of the natural disasters that we've had in the U.S. in the last 100 years or so, like Galvaston Hurricane, Peshtigo Fires, Tri-State Tornados, and Hurricane Katrina.

I listened to stats of death, destruction and mayhem. I saw video clips and heard human interest stories. It was quite sobering.

Today we talked in class about what is the very most important kind of preparation that anyone can do to prepare for these kinds of events. Some students suggested education, and although this is very important we decided that it really wasn't number 1.

You can be as educated as is humanly possible about how to protect yourself against disaster. You can have supplies stored up, know the safest places to go, and how to best protect yourself.

But that is no guarantee that you won't die if a flood, volcano, hurricane or tornado hits. The best kind of protection ultimately is spiritual protection. If the worst happens and you don't make it through the disaster, if you are spiritually prepared to meet God, then everything will be okay.

"If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." D&C 38:30

March Gifts

What am I thankful for this month? Many many things.

~ That Andy didn't have any problems travelling to New York. And that he seems to be adjusted and doing well.

~ That Andy actually writes good letters to us! I feel like we know what's going on with him because he puts so much detail into his letters.

~ It was so fun to see Lisa be the guest soloist with the Idaho Falls Symphony. She did awesome. I'm not a huge fan of 20th Century music, and Bartok's Viola Concerto was not my most favorite piece, but it didn't matter. I enjoyed it immensely and appreciated the extreme talent it took to be able to play it.

~ That I was able to go to one concert with Abby, another concert with Lisa (watching Abby play) and go out to lunch a few times with all my daughters. And we had a blast getting ice cream after Abby's concert. They really are my best friends.

~ That I got my new computer! I love it. It's awesome. Thanks Mike!

~ That David got his Master's diploma in the mail. Whew! I knew he earned it, but it's always nice to actually get that piece of paper.

~ That the snow is finally gone. (mostly)

~ That I had fun creating some cute things this month. Okay okay, I realize I could maybe have been more productive, but sometimes you just have to feed your soul, you know?

~ That I saw some wildlife this month. A few herds of deer, a flock of wild turkeys (repeatedly, and I got some great pictures) and a moose. The wild bunnies in our yard are getting braver and braver (and hungrier and hungrier) and get closer to our house every day. I have about 30 little songbirds hovering around my bird feeder every day. I love watching all of them.

It's been a pretty great month.

Back From My Hiatus and February's Gifts

This last month has been filled with highs and lows. Some of those highs and lows involve the some thing, like having Andy leave on his mission. Some other lows include the bad accident Mike's mother had. She went to get her mail and fell, breaking her hip. This 90 pound 80-year old woman then dragged herself over 100 feet back inside her house and pulled down the phone to call for help. She's in the hospital where she had surgery, and will have to stay for quite some time. We are glad she is now in good hands and pray for her recovery. My mother had her little heart attack scare too, but that all checked out just fine, for which we are very grateful. On a less serious note I'm having some issues with my dang toe. The swelling is just not going down. My doc said some people have this issue. My lymphatic system is just not functioning too well and is not pulling the fluid out of the tissue very well. I have to keep it wrapped up with a compression bandage most of the time. I'm not complaining, though. I can now take my long 30 minute power walks and not have an achy toe at the end. That's definitely an improvement. Now for the gifts of February:

~ That the new season of LOST started! I'm still totally confused, but hanging onto the promise that questions will be answered tomorrow night! :)

~ That Andy went on his mission and is doing really well. He flew to New York this morning. We were able to talk to him for 3 very short minutes when he called us while waiting to board. It was good to hear him. I'm proud of him for making this decision to serve with no pay, not alot of time off, and away from family and friends. He's going to grow up so much. I kind of wish I could watch the growth in person, but if his mommy was hanging around I doubt much growth would take place.

~ That everything checked out good for my mother's health. Maybe she had that little scare when I had to call 911 just to get her into the care of a doctor. She needed to have a physical and be checked over, (it had been a long time), and she probably wouldn't have gone on her own. Now at least we know her heart looks pretty good!

~ That I was able to go watch Abby's orchestra concert. I sat with Lisa and Tyler. It was pretty good. Abby plays pretty good violin for not being a music major. *grin*

~ I have to put this one in because I remember my saying this. I'm thankful I don't have as much laundry to do, or as many groceries to buy since Andy left. Mom always said when one of us would move out she consoled herself by the "less-laundry" idea.

Januarys Gifts

Gifts from the last month:

~ that Andy is now mostly ready for his mission. Only a couple more things to buy, then packing and delivering him to the MTC in 10 more days.

~ that we were able to go with Andy to the temple.

~ that I got to spend some time with my two awesome grandsons. They are so fun, and cute, and different from each other. I love them so much.

~ that both Lisa and I are out of our surgical boots. Yea for surgery to fix things, but even a bigger yea for healing up afterwards.

December's Gifts

~ For Andy's mission call. New York, New York South, which includes the island of Bermuda. I am so glad for him. We only have less than 6 weeks to get him ready. I work better under pressure, so no problem. *grin*

~ That I was able to get my toe fixed. It's caused me pain and discomfort for as long as I remember. I thought I'd live with it for the rest of my life. When the podiatrist told me the fix wasn't that hard I knew it was time to get'r done.

~ That I was able to enjoy the company of so many of my family members during the Christmas season. I am so glad that David and Emily live close enough that I can see my two grandson's occasionally. I love those little guys so much!

~ That my baby boy turned 19. Wow, that makes me feel old, ha ha. I'm pretty glad he chose Texas Roadhouse for his celebratory dinner, too. It was yummy!

~ I'm grateful for so many things. I'm grateful for this new year. I've got high hopes for good things.

November Gifts

~ My sidewalk is done and I love it! The first day after they took off the tarps I just kept going out there and walking it. It's exactly what I envisioned. I'm so glad Mike let me draw it out the way I wanted. Thanks Honey!

~ That my podiatrist is really helping me with my foot pain. First of the month I couldn't take a step without pain, now I am virtually pain free. I'm thankful for modern medicine.

~ That Andy received his Patriarchal Blessing. It was a special day, and he received some wonderful promises.

~ That Andy's mission papers were sent to SLC. We are waiting to hear where he'll be going. It's exciting and kind of scary.

~ That David and Emily's family were okay after they were in a car accident that demolished their car. What a blessing!

~ That I love my job. I truly feel appreciated and like a contributing member of a valuable team. They are the greatest people to work with.

~ That I went to the movies 3 times! I can go a year without going to the movies, but for some reason this month we just went. It was pretty fun, too. I went with Joni and Abby twice and once with Andy and Mike. When I went with Mike the manager loaded us up with pop and popcorn for free. Sometimes it pays to be married to Mr. Social Butterfly. He has friends where ever we go.

~ I'm blessed to have a warm house, yummy food, a cuddle puppy, 2 feline friends, and so much more. It's been a pretty good month.